no rain can wash away those bloody tears
by Twilight Zephyr
Summary: For Jasper's disc of my fanmix, Tragedies With Romance, entitled no rain can wash away those bloody tears. Each chapter is a different one-shot or drabble based on the song arranged in track order. Jaspard, slash
1. sit and dream of what could have been

**Notes:** Since I took such a long time with my fanmix, I'm just waiting on my manips for it, and in the mean time, I'm hoping to buy you all off with some compositions that I've written for the time being. Each one corresponds to a track on one of the three discs; and this one in particular is for the first track of Jasper's disc, _no rain can wash away those bloody tears_. So uh... please be just a little more patient with me, yes?  
**Title:** sit and dream of what could have been  
**Pairing:** Edward/Jasper  
**Rating:** pg  
**Words:** 720 words  
**Disclaimer:** It's a fact that I don't own the _Twilight_ series; it's Meyer's creation, and my muses and I only fool around with her characters for no profit whatsoever.

**. sit and dream of what could have been .**

'_Don't wish, don't start / Wishing only wounds the heart / I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl / There's a girl I know / He loves her so / I'm not that girl_'

It seems like something out of a tragic romance; it's so melodramatic that there is no way that it could possibly ever be true. But it is, and that's what is so tragic about it. The fact that it is real, that it is happening, and that more then one person will be left broken by the end of this romantic tale of two star-crossed lovers.

For the eternal tale of the vampire who loves a human will always live on, and will perhaps continue to occur repeatedly over the centuries of the Earth's history. But what is never said, is the fate of those who loved the human or the vampire; they are always left conveniently out of the tale. It's always a sad tale, for theirs never will have the happy ending that others receive.

Jasper knows this, he knows it better then anyone else. Ever since he joined the Cullen family, he has always had this deep, burning, and passionate love for the youngest of their clan. But he has never come forward with this, because he's been afraid; afraid of the rejection, of what the truth may be. Though, it's mostly that he fears being alone again.

The loneliness that he felt before... he never wanted to experience that again.

Years flew by, and Jasper found that he was drawn closer and closer to the enigma that is Edward Cullen. And he has learned to read the subtleties of his often complex and turbulent emotions. His entire focus for existence has shifted, and now he finds it painful to feel. His love for Edward has grown to be so deep that it hurts him; and now, he knows that there will be nothing between them. Ever.

A human girl changes everything. It's almost funny that someone so weak, insignificant, can turn everything that seemed so permanent on its head and make everything different. With her alluring perfume, she takes away any thought Jasper had of ever finding that happiness with Edward.

It was a could have been, even before she came along, but it was a slow progression and Jasper knows that had she not come, it would be him who would be at Edward's side, in his arms, and not her. But now it's impossibility, because she is the one who Edward loves with all his heart, body, and soul. There is no room for Jasper in there now.

Oh, it's a torture that Jasper is becoming all too familiar with.

If he was still human, he was sure that he would die from the pain and loss that flooded through him. It's a torture that he would never wish upon anyone, and it is incredibly hard to hide; but somehow, Jasper manages. And no matter how much agony Jasper goes through, he knows that he can never begrudge the human girl; all because she is who holds Edward's heart.

As long as she makes him happy, as long as Edward loves her, then he cannot hate her for anything. Everything before had been simple, but now it's not. And Jasper finds that he's slowly killing himself; he is slowly losing his grip on reality, and is becoming numb. His empathy is not as potent as it had once been, because he finds it harder to identify who's emotions are whose, and how he can soothe them.

Before, it was safe to dream, it was safe for him to wish for a happiness and a love that he was so desperate for. And now, it hurts him so much that his heart feels as though it might burst. The torture burns him, the hurt, the pain, the rejection all twists together and wraps around his heart then rips through it. And there is nothing left there, but he will always be there because of how he loves Edward.

He wasn't born for the life Edward knows, wants and dreams of, but it never before had stopped him from hoping and wishing that he would belong there one day. Now, though, it's all a lie; a broken dream that has given him nothing but heartache and pain.

All the memories that he has of those dreams have left scars on his heart that pour out and continue to drain him of any dream that he might have. He's given up on dreaming, because all they bring is pain.

**FIN.**


	2. those thoughts of love i have

**Notes:** For track two of Jasper's disc of the fanmix, _no rain can wash away those bloody tears_.  
**Title:** those thoughts of love i have  
**Pairing:** Edward/Jasper  
**Rating:** pg  
**Words:** 439 words  
**Disclaimer:** It's a fact that I don't own the Twilight series; it's Meyer's creation, and my muses and I only fool around with her characters for no profit whatsoever.

**. those thoughts of love i have .**

'_I can feel your sorrow / You won't forgive me / But I know you'll be alright / It tears me apart that you will never know / But I have to let go_'

Edward is disappointed in him, he knows that. Every time he slips up, Edward gives him that look, and he knows that he's done wrong. There's no need for harsh punishment, just knowing how Edward feels about his latest slip is enough to send Jasper reeling. And he knows that he can't keep doing this to him.

There is no redemption for the wicked. There will be no forgiving him.

Running is his only option, but there is never somewhere far enough away for him to run; Edward is always there, always in his thoughts, his mind, his heart. But the younger vampire will never know this, because Jasper has to learn to let go.

_Let go..._

As much as he doesn't want to let go of Edward; he knows that he has too. He can't let Edward forgive him, won't let him; there will be no repentance for him. He knows that he would do it all again, _it's not his fault_, he blames himself for having no control over his own body, his own nature. He can't let it happen again, but he knows it will.

Her blood smells too sweet; too luscious. A temptation that has been calling to him ever since he first scented her all over Edward. The mixture of her blood's delicious scent and the one that is distinctly Edward, _so alluring he wants to taste it_, nearly overwhelmed him; it was nearly enough to drive him mad with desire.

Control is getting to be more and more difficult, _he has never had control_, it's harder for him to resist just wanting to sink his teeth into the human girl and drink, sink them into Edward. It's not easy, _never been easy_, but Jasper wishes that he was stronger; that he could do more then simply feel Edward's pain at his lack of control over the blood lust.

The letting go of Edward is the hardest thing that Jasper's ever had to do, and ever will. He's been hiding how he's felt for so long, _so long now that it's too late_, that it's all become second nature to him. The hiding, the knowing how he feels but never being able to vocalize it, not even in his thoughts. Everything is so acute that it threatens to tear him apart.

_Never knowing will set him free..._

Jasper can't let Edward knows that he loves him, that he's always loved him, because it would force Edward to acknowledge things that he doesn't know are there. It would mean he would give him forgiveness, can't allow that, for attacking the human girl who the younger vampire loved.

No forgiveness, never, he does not deserve it.

**FIN.**


	3. leave behind this broken past

**Notes:** For track three of Jasper's disc of the fanmix, _no rain can wash away those bloody tears_.  
**Title:** leave this broken past behind  
**Pairing:** Edward/Jasper  
**Rating:** g  
**Words:** 165 words  
**Disclaimer:** It's a fact that I don't own the _Twilight_ series; it's Meyer's creation, and my muses and I only fool around with her characters for no profit whatsoever.

**. leave this broken past behind .**

'_There's no time to waste on giving up / My love wasn't enough_'

Everything is silent, and it's cold. The world has turned into a cold and desolate place, and Jasper finds himself having to walk through it alone once more. It hurts him to know that love isn't enough, that it's never been enough and all those fairy tales are **_nothing but lies_**.

Wasting time, though, would be a selfish and cruel thing to do, and the last thing that Jasper wants is to cause Edward pain. That would be wrong of him, and he couldn't live with himself if he did. For as much as he wishes he could hate the younger vampire, he knows that he can't because he loves him with all his heart.

It's a slow and painful process, but Jasper goes through with it. It will be worth it in the end, he hopes. And maybe moving on will be the best thing for him, he needs to find a healthier relationship, one where the feelings are mutual and reciprocated.

That hurts to think about.

**FIN.**


End file.
